Elon Musk, played by Mr. Rusty
Nigel Farage, played by Zebedee
Kemi Badenoch, played by Florence
Donald Trump, played by Dougal
Sir Keir Starmer, played by Brian the Snail
Meanwhile, in the Magic Garden, the chaos of the previous week had left Ermintrude sulking in her meadow, loudly bemoaning the noise and upheaval. She declared she’d been forced to cancel her Yoga for Cows retreat—an act of sabotage, no doubt, orchestrated by Dougal (Trump) and his band of merry chaos-makers. Even Zebedee (Farage), usually the first to bounce into a mess, had fallen uncharacteristically silent after being publicly shunned by Mr. Rusty (Musk)
Brian (Starmer), however, was feeling unusually zen. Having spent the week explaining the garden’s “rules of engagement” to visitors (because someone had to), he’d finally had a chance to rest his weary shell. Now, the chaos had somewhat subsided, and Brian was comforted by a whispered assurance from his best friend, Raitch the Hedgehog, that at least the garden’s finances were stable. For now.
The Curious Case of Dougal
That said, Brian couldn’t shake his concern over Dougal, who had retreated into the peculiar world of crazy golf. “Crazy game, crazy guy,” muttered Brian to anyone who’d listen, which, unsurprisingly, wasn’t many. But Dougal wasn’t worried in the slightest. His tangled little brain was consumed with bigger ideas—like annexing the neighbouring Greenfield.
The Greenfield, with its loamy soil and prime location for strategic gardening (and spying on those pesky ‘Ruskies’ from the neighbouring amusement arcade), had become Dougal’s latest obsession. He’d been taking advice from Mr. Rusty, whose gang of puppies had reportedly sniffed out “great potential” in the area. The Greenfielders, however, had absolutely no interest in joining the Magic Garden. They had their own ways and traditions—like communal compost heaps and not letting Dougal bulldoze their flowerbeds. But Dougal, ever the determined bully, was unfazed. “If they don’t sell,” he muttered to Mr. Rusty, “we’ll fertilize them into submission. Nobody says no to Dougal!” His new plan? Silage bombs.
The Barge Canal Debacle
Dougal’s ambitions didn’t stop at the Greenfield. His latest scheme involved commandeering the nearby barge canal to extend his “Magic Vision.” Florence (Badenoch), however, had her own twisted plans for the canal. “Rivers of Blood,” she suggested enthusiastically, envisioning it as a grotesque water feature that visitors could pay to paddle through. Her followers, equally enamoured with chaos, thought this was just the thing to shake up the garden’s genteel vibe.
Fortunately, most of the garden’s residents thought this was an atrocious idea. Brian muttered that it was “completely un-British,” and Ermintrude declared it “bad for the roses.” Even Mr. Rusty, who loved a good disruption, seemed unconvinced. “Do we really need this?” he asked Florence, who simply shrugged and said, “Why not? Let’s make waves, literally.”
Mr. Rusty’s Loud Ideas
While Florence and Dougal plotted, Mr. Rusty was busy terrorizing the garden with his overpowered PA system. Nobody had asked for his running commentary, but that didn’t stop him. He’d even hinted at upgrading to a second PA system, which he gleefully nicknamed “Flip-Flop.” Nobody needed it, and nobody wanted it—not even Mr. Rusty, if he were honest. But his justification was simple: “Better I have it than anyone else. After all, I can afford it.”
His announcements became increasingly bizarre. “Attention, garden residents! I am considering growing a new hedge fund. No, not a hedge fund—a fund for hedges. Because why not?” The daisies quivered in confusion, and even Zebedee bounced away muttering, “What on earth is he on about now?”
Chaos and Charm in the Magic Garden
As the garden lurched from one absurd crisis to another, Ermintrude resumed her sulking, Florence kept scribbling “bold ideas” in her notebook, and Dougal, armed with a silage catapult, prepared his next conquest. Meanwhile, Brian the Snail quietly sighed, wondering how he’d ever bring order to this circus.
And Mr. Rusty? He stood in the middle of it all, holding a microphone in one hand and a blueprint for “Flip-Flop” in the other, grinning like a child who’d just figured out how to tie fireworks to a lawnmower. It was chaos, yes, but it was his chaos, and in the Magic Garden, that was all that mattered.
The Rights of Fans. 