If you sell anything online, especially like me, fairly expensive vintage items, there comes a time when you look at an enquiry and think, “Oh no. This is going to be a horror show.” We’ve all been there, how do manage it? You’re trying to earn an honest living, but some buyers are determined to transform a simple transaction into an epic saga, usually so they can do some after sales haggling. Here’s your guide to spotting the early warning signs and confidently saying, “No, thanks,” before your sanity evaporates.
Running an online business is both trying and rewarding. The trying bit is the run of the mill nonsense, you get used to it. In my nearly two decades of trading online, I’ve learned how not to exacerbate the trying bit by getting into a dispute with a customer. We’ve had a strict no quibble refund policy for over a decade, evolved through trial and error. The error, almost without fail, has been the awful customer maybe one in two hundred. So any problems are rare, the customer is always right, unless you bin them off before sale!
On many occasions a complaint will arise with absolutely no justification whatsoever, outrageously unfair, but you have to deal with it. The selling platforms are incredibly underwhelming when it comes to customers who basically want to sabotage your business, seemingly for no other reason than you won’t accede to their unreasonable demands. We’re lucky: we’ve sold over 20,000 products online and have a 98–100% positive feedback rating. We can take one star reviews because it gets lost in the ether of the positives. But if you’re starting out, customers are more cautious about using you and will check your reviews carefully.
Just a fortnight ago, we were given a one-star review. The customer admitted we’d done nothing wrong, he hadn’t read the listing properly and bought purely based on the images. His fault, but he punished us anyway. We eventually talked him into bumping it up to three stars. An absolute idiot, but it’s part of the deal with online trading. Still, most problems you can pre-empt if you know what to look for.
One of the most common red flags is commonly known as the forensic examiner. You know the type. They send a message longer than your listing, peppered with forensic-level demands: “Can you photograph the item under natural light, fluorescent light, and candlelight?” “What’s the precise measurement to the nearest millimetre?” “Could you weigh it after you’ve wrapped it, just to be sure?” Basically no answer will ever be satisfactory and the probuct worthy of their exacting standards. These buyers often feel entitled to a level of perfection you can’t possibly guarantee. If the item ships, expect a return with a note that reads something like, “Did not meet expectations. I expected more soul.”
Another early warning sign is the doom and gloom merchant. They start the conversation by forecasting doom: “I’ve been scammed so many times…” “This probably isn’t authentic…” “I doubt you’ll even bother replying.” You haven’t even said hello, and they’re already telling you why you can’t be trusted. Friendly advice: if someone assumes the worst before they’ve even seen your postage label, they’ll never assume the best once they have.
Then there’s smell a rat. Before purchasing, they want to confirm they can send it back for any reason: “I can return it even if I just don’t like it, right?” “If it doesn’t match my mood, you’ll refund me, yeah?” Pre-emptive return discussions are a flashing neon sign that they’re planning to return it, possibly after wearing it to a party, using it in a project, or “testing” it beyond recognition. We once sold a teapot to a woman writing a book on Wade china. We smelled a rat but sent it anyway, it wasn’t expensive and we were newbies. The teapot packaging was bomb-proof. In those days, a photo of the breakage wasn’t required. We later found out she was sourcing products to photograph for her book and doing this to everyone. Back then, eBay had a centre that dealt with bad feedbacks, and they told us she’d been banned.
You’ll also encounter the do it cheaper bartering technique. They swoop in with their opening gambit: “What’s your absolute rock-bottom price?” “Free shipping? Partial refund if it’s not quite as described?” Haggling isn’t always bad, of I’ve had the item for a while, I welcome it, but when combined with the other warning signs, it suggests you’re dealing with someone who wants everything for nothing, plus a handwritten apology for charging them anything at all.
And of course, there’s the over zealous questioning technique. Questions are normal. But an unstoppable blizzard of them, over several days, is a big clue. They’re trying to reassure themselves by extracting infinite information. They may be indecisive, perfectionistic, or simply testing your patience. If your replies are longer than the average dissertation and they’re still not satisfied, it’s time to step away.
If you notice two or more of these behaviours in a single buyer, consider this your official permission slip to abort mission. Why? Because you’ll probably get a return or dispute. You’ll get a negative review, no matter how hard you try. You’ll waste time you could spend on better customers, or literally anything else. Sometimes, the sale you don’t make is the most profitable of all. Someone else will buy the product, after all.
Just remove the listing. In my experience, if you re-list later, they never come back. Remember, they’re pestering a number of sellers at the same time. They don’t desperately want your product, they’re being a pain in the neck to see which seller will run around after them the most. A really good tip for customers wanting forensic measurements: just say the item is already wrapped and in storage. Generally when customers question your measurements, it’s because it is too big for the space required, and they assume you have the measurements wrong because it is not convenient for them, but hey, somehow we’ll fit it in…Nooooo!
Remember, you are not obligated to endure exhausting negotiations or to prove your worth to every random internet stranger. There are plenty of lovely buyers out there, in fact, nearly all of them are great. Save your energy for them. When in doubt, trust your gut. If the transaction feels like it’s morphing into a part time job or a cross-examination, walk awaypolitely but firmly. Your peace of mind is worth more than any sale.
#Ecommerce Advise #Etsy Seller #Problem Customers #Seller Survival Guide #Vintage Ecommerce
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