By Chris Harris
Suspending belief when you receive an email from Lewes Football Club, is not uncommon. Who can forget the true comedy gold gems, the £10 million valuation and the bizarre claim we were going to eclipse the 140,000 membership of Barcelona FC, for the record our current membership 1,600. So ot was no surprise when I read the initial bold section of today’s email 6/1/26- “We wanted to share our 140th anniversary kits with you, the owners before we share them with the world”
I assumed the club had either finally discovered the irony of their misplaced delusions, or it was another jaw-dropping, narcissistic load of old twaddle, the sort of drivel reserved for Pseuds Corner in Private Eye magazine. Reading the whole piece, an embarrassment of far reaching hyperbole and demented delusions of grandeur, I guess it was the latter?
Lewes FC has released its 140th anniversary kit accompanied by a message written not like a club update, not like a proud local celebration of our little football club, but like the opening narration of a documentary about a major global institution, er ….. Lewes FC. Of course, the powers that be would assume it would be on Netflix and not Joe Blogs YouTube account, 45 views, like the Lewes FC AGM’s, such is the true reality of our global reach delusion, it’s quite pathetically childishly sweet really.
Let’s unpack this, as they sat on the politics podcasts.
Firstly, let’s get the nice bit over and done with. It is aesthetically an okay shirt, a bit gaudy, nevertheless, it is a nice thing to do and perfectly normal for any football club to produce an anniversary shirt. On that basis, nothing to see here.
But the statement with it is nauseous and a sad continuation of the truncated and failed branding and marketing, but seemingly helps soothe the dented egos in the club leadership, still desperately clinging to the halcyon days, when there was briefly interest in the club, before they screwed it all up.
Because this statement is not really about a shirt. It is about a certain strain of club leadership and branding that cannot simply do something nice without framing it as a philosophical event. A club on its knees because it continues to fail to realise that all the fans are interested in is non league football and women’s football. Yet certain members of the leadership continue to hang on to past glories, like the Japanese guy who hid away for decades unaware WW2 was over. It is simply doing what it always does: narrating Lewes FC as a far bigger, far more important phenomenon than reality can support, and everyone outside the loop simply roll our bemused eyes.
This matters now more than ever because we are not in a moment of stability. We are in a period where the club is, by any reasonable reading, in a state of financial free fall. Looking to be patched up before the next wearing away of sanity under the next short term financial injection that will be doomed for failure under the current governance model. In that context, “grand narrative” is not just annoying. It is a way of manufacturing importance where there is none.
The message begins with the kind of messaging PR departments often mistake for authenticity: “We wanted to share our 140th anniversary kits with you… before we share them with the world.” Oh my God….ffs the irony of club sponsors name ‘Who Gives a Crap’ seemingly fallen to the wayside.
The line assumes not only that this is an event of global interest, comedy gold, but that supporters should consider themselves lucky to be treated to an international reveal.
The statement then moves straight into theatrical grandeur: “Lewes FC proudly unveils kit unlike any we have ever worn…” It does not simply announce a new kit; it “unveils” it. Even in its first paragraph, it sets the tone: this is not an anniversary shirt, this is an event of public significance. It does so in exactly the same style that produced the £10 million valuation fantasy and the Barcelona membership daydream: confidence without proportion, rhetoric without grounding, scale without credibility.
The Usual Old Bollocks 1
Of course, it does not actually describe a kit; it describes a moral object. “This is a shirt without a badge, a shirt that belongs to all of us.” We are told that “the absence of a crest is deliberate,” and that without a symbol “dictating meaning,” the kit returns to what truly matters: “belonging without permission.” I’m dying here, pass the reality button.
The statement in itself, launching a kit, has become an attempt to dictate some meaning. No none of this silly creating a stripped back design that celebrates shared ownership, that could be communicated plainly and effectively. Anything but, instead we are asked to treat the removal of a crest as a philosophical act, a statement about identity and permission. This is the club’s familiar habit: taking something ordinary and inflating it into something epochal and not realise how silly they look.
Just as importantly, the club leans heavily on the moral language of collective ownership while releasing a product that it will, inevitably, sell. The kit is said to be “made not for the club, but for the people,” as if a commercial item has somehow transcended financial reality. There is nothing wrong with selling a kit. There is something wrong with pretending the kit exists outside commerce as it’s preaching is so morally right
The Usual Old Bollocks 2
The statement then leans into symbolism with a seriousness that borders on self-parody. The “vertical lines woven through the fabric” are said to trace the River Ouse, mirror railway lines, echo Bonfire Night, speak of “movement and return,” and weave “a connection across generations.” These references are not the problem. The problem is the inflation. The club cannot simply say “this design is inspired by Lewes.” It must present the shirt as a cultural artefact that holds the entire identity of the town. A town the leadership and directors admit they have treated with disdain, chasing and international membership.
Then comes the colour mythology: “Black roots the kit in our rich history; gold drives us forward.” Even the year “1885” must “rest quietly,” not as a boast, but as a “reminder” of persistence and unity. The message makes it difficult to simply enjoy the kit without being told what moral and historical weight to attach to it. It is not enough to release a kit; the kit must be presented as a civic monument!
And this is where the club’s delusion of scale becomes undeniable. The statement begins to claim the entire identity of Lewes itself: “Everything we do in Lewes is for More Than Us.” “Lewes has always stood for progress, independence, sacrifice, intellectual freedom, and alternative culture.” “We are living history with every step and every kick of the ball.”
Wow, this from a club who Sussex Police deliberated that members of the leadership hate me because I write a fanzine that er…. stood for progress, independence, sacrifice, intellectual freedom, and alternative culture.
It is the club speaking as though it is the authorised voice of the town, as if its internal narrative can be expanded to represent everyone, as if every action it takes is inherently part of some historic moral project. A town that the club admits it receives negligible sponsorship and membership from because the town knows it’s a dud. The club is not simply a football club celebrating an anniversary. It presents itself as a social movement, a civic identity, and a living cultural institution that exists beyond ordinary scrutiny. A club seemingly unaware it’s status and membership holds no significance whatsoever to that of our world renowned Bonfire Societies.
What makes the statement so inappropriate in the present moment. When a club is financially unstable it needs to return to roll up the sleeves basics, not further bullshit and treat the fans like simpletons.
Finally, we are told: “This kit belongs to you. To the people. To the town of Lewes.” That is a great initiative and great to know a replica kit of the club we all love has some connection to us, that’s great to know, thanks for the affirmation we play a part in all this.
A small club can be special without talking as though it is changing the world. Supporters do not need a manifesto. They need a club that speaks honestly, respects its own scale, and focuses on the basics: stability, transparency, accountability, and competence. That is what creates real belonging. Not this continued deluded branding. Please read below and see how decent branding, the art of advertising a non league football club at Burgess Hill Town Football Club has seen their gates double while this continued contrived nonsense the club pumps out continues to see ours decline.
#Lewes #Lewes FC #Lewes FC Women #Non League #Football
The Rights of Fans. 