by Chris Harris
It is an interesting question, because most people experience themselves from the inside rather than from the outside. From within their own thoughts and concerns, their behaviour feels normal and justified. What others might perceive as dreary, whether that means overly negative, monotonous, humourless, or simply draining, may feel to them like being realistic, serious, or thoughtful.
Many dreary people are simply unaware of how they come across. Not the stereotypical dreary TV characters like Father Ted → Father Stone in the Father Ted sitcom. Their tone of conversation, their outlook, or the subjects they return to repeatedly may create a sense of heaviness for others, but because it is their habitual way of interacting, they rarely notice the effect it has. People around them may instinctively shorten conversations or avoid engaging deeply, yet very few will ever say directly that someone feels dreary to be around. Well, you’d be a horrible person to do so.
There are also people who sense that something in their manner is not quite connecting with others but are unsure why. They may notice that conversations stall or that others appear less enthusiastic in their company. Eyes glazing over and flitting elsewhere. In these cases the individual might attribute the problem to shyness, awkwardness, or simply different interests rather than recognising that their overall tone or outlook may be perceived as dreary.
A smaller number of people are perfectly aware that they project a serious or pessimistic outlook and are comfortable with it. Some even take pride in being cynical, sober-minded, or resistant to lightness. In their view this is not dreariness but realism, a refusal to indulge in what they see as unnecessary enthusiasm. This sort of dreary person can actually be quite fun, their drier demeanour and delivery both ironically funny and interesting.
It is also important to recognise that dreariness is partly a matter of perspective. Someone who appears dull or draining in one setting may be thoughtful and engaging in another, particularly when the subject matter suits them. Context, energy, and social chemistry play a large role in how people are perceived.
For that reason, the answer is not absolute. Some people know they come across as dreary, some suspect it but cannot quite identify why, and many have no awareness of it at all. The perception often exists primarily in the minds of those observing them rather than in the self-understanding of the person themselves.
Maybe the man regarded as the dreariest in Britain is Kier Satrmer. He is also actually one of the most fascinating, a true paradox. His presentation and politics are rooted in discipline, structure and procedures, rather than idealism and populism. Dreary, but in an age when progress is seen as needing to be fast, which does not happen and is normally not effective, he may well, despite his low ratings in the polls, win the next election as the ‘better the devil you know candidate.’ I rather suspect Kier knows his demeanour is dreary, but his career in law and politics says otherwise, and I rather suspect he could not care less. Like most dreary people.
Dreary isn’t an affliction, in many ways it can be seen as not having to be performative in today’s social media or feeling the need to show off and exhibit personality to boorish levels, like so many people, can often be seen as preferable.
#DrearyPerson #HumanAnalysis #Psychology #HumanObservation #KeirStarmer
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